His Grieving Moment
by RuneDraconis1080
Summary: He had nothing, then he gained everything only to lose it all once more. How does one go on when the only people to really matter disappear from existence, leaving him all alone to mourn their loss? The shadow of the life they shared still present to haunt the one place he was free to be himself. REMUS LUPIN - Inspiration from the song 'Empty Chairs At Empty Tables' from Les Mis.


**A/N:** _Hello everyone!_

 _I know I'm in the middle of writing 'Made of Honor', but this oneshot just came to me and I had to get it out of my system! I hope you like it and If you do, please leave some love! And go check out my other stories..._

 _Love,_

 _RuneDraconis1080_

 **Disclaimer:** I don not own Harry Potter, nor do I own the rights to the song 'Empty Chairs at Empty Tables' from the musical/movie Les Miserables from which this fanfic. was inspired.

* * *

He stood in the dark and dusty room that he was too familiar with, the grief he felt too unbearable to even think about. It felt as if he would burst at any moment, and for each breath he took the pain in his chest grew heavier and even more excruciating.

The plain, pale paper on the walls was peeling and had several slashes in them, the wooden floor was covered in stains, mostly blood - his blood -, but also a few blotches of spilled fire whiskey and in one or two cases; the evidence of when too much of the alcoholic beverage had been consumed and needed to escape back to freedom.

All of the windows were boarded, letting in only a few strands of light during the day - even less so during the night -, and usually a few candles were lit to compensate for the lack of a natural light source and brighten up the room.

He did not bother with any candles tonight though, he could still see enough - too much - without them.

The few furnitures that decorated the dirty room were all broken several times over, mostly a result of Moony expressing his boredom or frustration of being trapped in the small space, and the empty, ghostlike chairs were scattered all over, leaving the lonely table in the corner without companions.

He did not know why he was here. Or maybe he did.

His legs had carried him here before he even knew what he was doing, but he needed to go, hide away from the awful truth.

The truth, not more than two days old.

His friends. His best friends, were dead and gone. _Forever_.

The silent echoes of The Shrieking Shack screamed in his mind, and a shaky breath escaped him as memories from a time long ago projected themselves into his mind.

* * *

When he learned that he had been accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, his first reaction had been shock, closely followed by excitement, before it had settled on fear. Because of the condition forced on him when he was only a small child, he had been very well protected by his loving parents growing up - but that also meant that he had been somewhat isolated from the outside world.

For the first time ever he would be surrounded by kids his own age without anyone there to shield him. He would be on his own, trying to act as if he was as normal as anyone else - when that really was far from the truth. Terrified that anyone would find out his secret and out him to the entire school, he tried his best to separate himself from the other students.

Something unexpected happened during his first year though, something he had only dreamed about, but never thought would happen to him. Two boys, both Gryffindors like himself, nestled themself into his life - persistent on pursuing a friendship with him. Why, he had no idea.

The first boy was everything he was not - outgoing, exciting and popular from the very first time he set foot in the castle. A Gryffindor through and through. His black hair was a mess and his hazel eyes were hidden behind a pair of square shaped spectacles.

The second boy was different and yet the same. As the first one ever in his family to be sorted into the house of the brave instead of that of the cunning, he was a bit of an oddity. Mind you, he certainly looked like he belonged with the rest of the pureblood Slytherins, with his sleek, wavy black hair framing his pale face and piercing gray eyes, but his attitude was _nothing_ like theirs.

He was always the one to laugh the loudest, the first one to prank the fellow students or the teachers, and the first one to express his immense hate and distrust towards everything related to the green and silver house.

Two sides of the same coin - talented, extrovert, rule breaking, and both purebloods with the same values, only one of them was raised in a family where those values were considered to be wrong -, which was probably why their friendship was so solid.

Their names; James Potter and Sirius Black.

Not long after that the trio became a foursome when another boy, Peter Pettigrew, was taken under their wings. He was short and round with mousy brown hair and blue eyes. He, unlike the rest of them, was not very talented and rather quiet, but he gave the already massive egos of Sirius and James a great boost as he worshiped them like heroes.

In this group, he himself quickly became the voice of reason and he tried his best to keep his friends out of trouble, but of course that was near to impossible when James and Sirius put their minds together, and Peter followed them everywhere. He had to admit though, that it had been extremely exhilarating to be part of something so special - and he was indeed a prankster at heart.

The one thing that he did not like about his best friends, though apparently not enough for him to do anything about it, was their bullying tendencies. Since both James and Sirius had been so popular with boastful and carefree attitudes, not many realised that some of their pranks could be mean and hurtful. They were used to getting anything they wanted and did not like it when anything or anyone was in their way.

Their main target had been a pale boy with greasy black hair, placed in Slytherin - Severus Snape. The reason? Well...

Already in their first year James had grown fond of one of the female students in their house, which was interesting since she was nothing like him at all.

Lily Evans was a teachers dream. She followed all the rules, was attentive in class, and she hated everything that James or Sirius did. That did not stop James from writing and reciting poems about her long, beautiful auburn hair and green eyes though.

Severus Snape was her best friend.

He himself was actually the only one in their little group of four that she was rather friendly with, as they shared an interest for the scholarly and sometimes worked together in class (when Snape was in another class), something he knew that his best friend was very jealous of, but whenever he was with his friends, which definitely was more often than not, she stayed clear from them.

But even though he had friends for the first time in his life, he kept his secret hidden from them, making up excuses for his absence, when the truth was that he spent every full moon in this abandoned house. He was sure that if they knew what he truly was they would desert him, and he _never_ wanted to be alone again.

It all changed one day during his second year when his friends confronted him with a theory so close to the truth that he had no choice but to admit that their assumption was correct.

He was a werewolf.

To his surprise and immense gratitude they declared that they would stay by his side and never tell another soul, and soon after that they started to research on how to become animagi so they could keep him company during his transformations.

Three years later, during their fifth year, his wolf was finally joined by a stag, dog and a rat. At first they kept themselves in The Shrieking Shack, but as they discovered that the wolf became more "tame" when he had his friends close to keep him in check, they soon started to get out into the Forbidden Forest and roam around Hogsmeade and the school grounds.

They became "Prongs", "Padfoot", "Wormtail" and "Moony" - the Marauders.

The Shrieking Shack became their headquarter, and it was here, by the table in the corner, they sat for hours and drew up their map of the castle - the Marauder's Map -, and it was here they talked about their plans for the future.

To no one's surprise, James kept insisting that he would marry Lily and have a family with her, and both he and Sirius were intended to become aurors once they finished school. A noble job, catching Death Eaters and making the world a safer place.

He himself had no such aspirations, he knew that his condition gave him little hope of ever keeping a job for long, so he kept his expectations low. He did not think he would ever find someone to share in his life on a romantic level either, he wanted that, sure, but who could ever love a monster?

Peter was never very vocal about what he wanted to be - an auror was definitely out of the question - but nevertheless they encouraged him that he could do or be whatever he wanted.

Of course they were all well aware of the threat that Voldemort posed, and for each school year that passed the flame that burned inside of them made them more certain that they would do anything in their power to fight against evil. The wizarding world would be reborn and they would be in the center of it.

Their seventh and final year started off with an unexpected turn of events when James were chosen to be Head Boy over him, something that was met with great disbelief from his friends (and the rest of the students) as he himself was a much more obvious choice after being a Prefect for the past two years, but he was actually grateful that Professor Dumbledore had spared him the responsibility for one simple reason - if he had indeed been given the title and the responsibility that came with it, he would have risked exposure for what he was. The other Prefects would surely have noticed that he was missing once every month, and since he had been successful in hiding it so far he did not want to risk losing everything his last year. Instead he got the opportunity to really focus on studying for his N.E.W.T's.

He had been sure however, that James would be a brilliant Head Boy. He had matured a lot during their sixth year and was the face of goodness, happiness and hope - everything that Voldemort and his Death Eaters was not - and the students needed a person like that to guide them in such dark times.

James had, of course, been over the moon (no pun intended) as the chosen Head Girl was none other than Miss. Lily Evans, his one true love. And somehow he managed the impossible. He got the girl.

After that, Lily had become an honorary Marauder and joined them during many of their secret meetings. It was incredible how quickly the relationship between them had grown, she, who had despised them so for the most part of their time at school, soon became their best friend and "Mother Hen", taking care of them all. When she casually mentioned his condition one night, revealing that she had in fact realised the truth during their third year, it had been a great shock to them all and they tried to deny it, stuttering excuses - even James, which proved to him how much he valued their promise to never tell a soul -, but she did not believe any of it, instead she simply hugged him, told him that he was an amazing wizard and that she did not care.

Once they had graduated, James and Lily had married in a small, but beautiful ceremony - Sirius had of course been the best man. After that they were all still determined to help in the war that was going on around them, and the only question was where and how they would start.

The answer came to them when Professor Albus Dumbledore approached them and told them about a secret organisation he was the leader of, called The Order of the Phoenix. It was exactly what they had been looking for, a way to be involved and fight against evil. Soon after, the five of them were introduced into the Order, that consisted of a few familiar names, such as the aurors Alice and Frank Longbottom (both whom had been fifth year Gryffindor students during the Marauders first year), Marlene McKinnon (who was one year older than them and one of Lily's close friends), Edgar Bones, Gideon and Fabian Prewett, the famous auror Alastor Moody (James and Sirius had been ecstatic about that one), and (surprising them all) Rubeus Hagrid.

Finally they had the opportunity to join in the defence with some of the greatest wizards and witches of their time!

Barely two years after graduation, James and Lily announced that they were expecting a child, and he had truly been extremely happy for them, but also a little jealous. James got what he wanted - the girl, the job and a kid on his way - everything that he too wanted but would never have, but he pushed his feelings aside. His friends deserved a family of their own. They had decided to go into hiding since they all knew that Voldemort was not very happy that the couple had succeeded to defy him, not only once, or twice - but three times.

Last year Harry was born, and he was the sweetest little boy he had ever seen with his black hair and green eyes that were so much like his mothers. Sirius was named the godfather as one had expected. He knew that the two boys - no, men -, had a special bond, they were brothers in everything but blood. It did not mean that they did not love him or Peter, no, they were best friends all four of them, all was as it should have been.

The second Professor Dumbledore had told them about the prophecy made about the young Potter, that Voldemort thought that Harry would be the only one who could defeat him, everything changed. What made it even worse was that it had been Snape, Lily's former best friend, who told the dark lord about the prophecy. The war increased in intensity and they lost Order members after Order members, it became more dangerous and for each day that passed the threat of Voldemort coming after them grew stronger.

A few months ago Lily had told him about Professor Dumbledore's plan for the Potters to remain safe was to cast the _Fidelius Charm_. And how James had insisted that Sirius would be the secret-keeper.

Then everything fell apart.

* * *

He started to scream, breaking everything he could get a hold on, tiny pieces flying everywhere. How had it come to this? How he have missed the signs that something was not right?

Through blurry eyes he could see the phantom faces of them, Lily by the table in the corner laughing happily at something James had said at Sirius expense - the shadow of the latter one on the floor with a sour look on his face that did not go well with his handsome features. James smiling at the sound while he played with her hair. Peter in tears after laughing so much he had trouble breathing, and himself crumpling up the paper he had in front of him and tossing it at the current victim with an amused smile.

Thing would never be like that again.

All because of Sirius betrayal.

 _He should have known._

For the last couple of months there had been something in his eyes every time he looked at him, something he could only describe as a hostile glint. Sirius had been cranky, unusually silent, and reluctant with anything concerning the Potters, but he had just presumed it was because he was worried about his best friend, his best friends wife, and his godson. How wrong he had been.

Never had he thought that there would be a traitor amongst them, let alone that it would be _Sirius_.

James had been the words to his parchment, the picture to his frame, the chaser to his quaffle, the bottle to his fire whiskey. Everything. So how could he betray them so easily?

It did not make sense. Sirius hated everything related to Voldemort with all his heart.

 _How could he betray them?_

And then to make matter even worse, he went after Peter. Peter who had always been the follower, not even half as brave as the rest of them. Peter, who was so considerate and had spent the last year taking care of his sick mother. Little did he know that he would turn out to be one of the bravest people he had ever met.

Earlier today Sirius had found him, cornered him in his intent to do Merlin knows what to him - kidnap, torture, kill? -, but before he was able to do anything, Peter had outed his betrayal in a scream for everyone to hear and in his rage Sirius had killed him - leaving only a finger - , along with 12 muggle onlookers.

In just 48 hours, Sirius had killed 13 people directly, one of them one of his best friends, and he was the reason James and Lily was no more.

For the first time ever, he wished that James and Lily had trusted him more than Sirius, then none of this would ever have happened. He would have kept their secret, _even if it meant his own death_.

He hoped the bastard would rot in Azkaban.

Somehow he had ended up on the floor with his face in his hands, tears now running freely down his scarred face. Oh, how he wished he was dead. What did he have to live for anymore? The guilt of his survival when three of his closest friends was gone, was unbearable. He was a werewolf, a monster, the world could do without him - but his friends? James, Lily and Peter? They deserved to _live_.

James and Lily deserved to see their son grow up, take him to Diagon Alley to get his school supplies, read his first letter after the sorting ceremony, watch him build lifelong friendships, fall in love, get married and start a family of his own. Now they would never get to see any of that.

While the rest of the world rejoiced in the defeat of He-Who-Must-Be-Named, and praised Harry Potter's name for the deed, the pain of the loss he felt was slowly killing him. The sacrifice was all to big for him to be able to celebrate the win he had always hoped for.

He did not know where he could go from here. Because of his condition there was no possible way he could take care of the orphaned boy, and even if that had been no problem he still had no way to support himself, let alone two people. No, he probably had it better where he was, Professor Dumbledore had confided in him that he left Harry with Lily's sister Petunia and her family. Lily and Petunia had not been close in several years - in fact, the eldest sister had refused any contact at all between them -, but he knew that Lily had cared for her sister deeply and hoped she would one day reconcile with her. Yet another thing that she would never get to do.

Finally there was nothing left in him, only emptiness.

Tomorrow it was Sirius birthday. Lily had planned to host a surprise party for him at Godric's Hollow, with only the five of them (plus Harry of course) present. "It was so long ago we did anything together, Harry misses the lot of you" she had said, followed by her husband's "Yes, Moony! It'll be good to get the gang together again, I'm going crazy here!"

Now he was all alone. No friends. No prospects.

All alone.

Remus Lupin glanced at the table one last time, them he turned and walked away.

Never would he set his foot here again, it held to many memories.

 _If he only knew._


End file.
